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That resonated with me, and we lived it out with the poor immigrants of Minneapolis. I’m going to seek genuine experience with God, to commune with God, and to reinforce my faith.
By this time I had little interest in church structure or petty doctrinal disputes. So I decided I should try to find out who Jesus actually was. What I learned, even when reading scholars, shocked me. I studied the Historical Jesus, the history of Christianity, the Bible, theology, and the philosophy of religion. If only I could books by the very best Christian philosophers. I couldn’t force myself to believe what I knew wasn’t true. I am going to avoid solid atheist arguments, because they are too compelling and cause for despair.
I know what it’s like to be confused by the Trinity, the failure of prayers, or Biblical contradictions but to genuinely embrace them as the mystery of God.I remember when I finally realized the problems inherent to my precious Libertarianism. This comfort with truth unleashed my curiosity about Christianity and religion in full force.In my studies I uncovered lots of false facts and dishonest arguments from Christians this is my story. I know what it’s like to fall in love with God and serve him with all my heart. I know what it’s like to isolate one part of my life from reason or evidence, and I know what it’s like to .I don’t recall how it happened, but eventually I found out that I could be more happy and moral him.I “came out” as an atheist to my family, friends, and church. They were much more concerned when two elders of my church decided they were Catholic.
The gospels were written decades after Jesus’ death, by non-eyewitnesses. Almost everything I read – even the books written by conservative Christians – gave me reason to doubt, not less. I felt like my best friend – my source of purpose and happiness and comfort – was dying. The atheists made plain, simple sense, and the Christian philosophers were lost in fog of big words that tried to hide the weakness of their arguments. On January 11, 2007, I whispered to myself: “There is no God.” The next day I emailed my buddy Mark: I didn’t want to bother you, but I’m lost and despairing and I could really use your help, if you can give it. I do not WANT to live in an empty, cold, ultimately purposeless universe in which I am worthless and inherently alone.